Insane Lizard

So, this is a New Jersey story, so many previous readers and contributors will be unfamiliar with it, but those who were there and met the infamous black-with-yellow-spots Colombian Tegu will never forget him. Most of our other lizards were slow and lethargic; they rarely put on the kind of show you hope they will when you buy them. The hope with a Savannah monitor is that it will grow large enough to be put on a leash, taken for a walk, and eat annoying neighboring chihuahuas in one bite if they should venture too close.

Not the Tegu.

I remember the first time I saw it hunt. When food animals - generally crickets, I think, were let loose in the cage, the Tegu would dart all around its large mesh cage, killing anything that moved. But it didn't stop to eat before it darted on; it would kill and leave it for later. It had some major superiority complex where everything needed to either be dead, or . . . well, everything else needed to be dead.

Watching Craig hold that demon was a little disturbing. Onlookers would generally laugh nervously, silently hoping and praying Craig's grip didn't falter. It would open its mouth wide and flop its body as far as possible in fast spasm trying to bite him. He did not abide being held very well. He would flop side to side rapidly trying to find some flesh to remove as punishment for deigning to hold him still - I never held him.

One particular time, he got loose, and we couldn't find him. We figured that little "free spirit" found his way out somehow. I hoped I didn't find him in the tub one morning while groggily getting into the shower because that would freak me out pretty good.

A little background on our stairs: there was sort of a balcony that ran from Mom and Dad's room to the star of the stairs which went out between 3-5 steps, turned right, went down another 7 steps, turned right, and went down the final few steps. This will come in to play in a minute.

I don't remember if it was Mom or Dad who called us into their room, but they found him. We cornered him under the bed. Suddenly the Tegu - whose body was probably under 10 inches long not counting his tail, darted out from under the bed, and all of us chased after him. We got to the balcony, but didn't even slow. He jumped from under the iron railing across the void a solid ten feet up - it would have been like 10 stories for a human height-wise - onto the lower, longer level of the stairs where he continued down. We had to run all the way around, so by the time we got downstairs, he was gone. Eventually, we found him under the brown chest thing in the den, where we cornered him for good and captured him. It was very impressive.